it weighs heavy

it weighs heavy
don’t you understand that just because you want me to talk to you
it doesn’t mean i can talk to you
and just because I want to talk to you
that doesn’t meant I can talk to you

it weighs heavy
i want you to be prideful, less wreckless with grace.

i want you to punish me because your grace is so much more than i can take.

i feel like i keep insulting you more just to find out that you love me more.
i slap your cheek then spit in your face then stab your eyes but you
just open your arms welcoming me. how can you be so full of love that
you forgive my knowing, planned curses?

it weighs heavy
don’t you understand all the wrong things i’ve done

outweigh all the good
shouldn’t that mean i can’t talk to you
and even if you’ve chosen to forgive me
how can i come close enough to talk to you?

it weight heavy
maybe i’m just mad at you.

maybe i just want you to lash out and smite someone, somewhere.

you give grace to murderers and molesters, so full of grace that you give them the chance to ask forgiveness.

but in waiting it hurts us and lives end and humanity seems defiled. i just
want to see you mad, some righteous anger turning over tables. i want
to know there’s a limit so i can run away from it. i want to stop but
how can i stop when you keep letting me pile sins on you?

it weighs heavy
don’t you understand that just because you want me to talk to you
it doesn’t mean i can talk to you
and just because I want to talk to you
that doesn’t meant I can talk to you

i’m so full of pride
you’re so full of grace
i can’t talk to you
i can’t show my face
God, i hate my face

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